Selective Hearing
Welcome I’m Joan Romero at Momthought.com thanks for joining me today. Today’s Momthought is, Selective Hearing.
Do you ever feel like you have to repeat yourself ten times even to be heard once if you’re lucky? Why is that? Is it that our kids are just so busy that their minds are elsewhere that they just don’t hear us? Is it that they’re using selective hearing? They can sort through “I’m busy and I know that mom will repeat herself later so I can just keep doing what I’m doing. I’ll here when I need to hear it”
Selective hearing isn’t just used by children. It’s used by adults as well. How many times do you hear “mom” before you actually hear an answer. I find that especially to be the case when my mind is elsewhere; when I’m busy thinking about other things.
But how can we talk to our kids so that our kids will listen? Well, according to Dr. Thomas Gordan and in his book, Parent Effectiveness Training, in the chapter, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, he says that we need to use ‘I messages’. I believe it’s very important you use ‘I messages’ not only for the cognitive development and emotional development of the children but also of the parent.
Now often times Parents will hide their feelings behind a ‘you message.’ Don’t judge, don’t criticize, don’t blame, name calls, ridicule, shame, interpret, diagnose, psychoanalyze, teach, or instruct. You are a person and you can be a real person to your child by using “I messages.”
So get the core of you. Get in touch with your feelings. If a child hits you in the head, try this as an experiment. Use an ‘I message.’ Say, “Ouch! That really hurt me. I don’t like to be hit.” Say nothing more and nothing less you. May be surprised at what you hear and what is heard.
So give this a try and share your results at Momthought.com or call 206-350-3037 we can’t wait to hear what happens. And thank you for listening.
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